If you would have told teenage me that I would be 27 and unable to have kids on my own I would have never believed you. My entire life I have dreamed of being a mom and when my husband, Freddie, and I decided to start trying for kids, I was absolutely ecstatic. I was raised by a dance studio owner, so I grew up surrounded by hundreds of children. I never once considered that trying for kids would be difficult. It seemed like everyone had no problems conceiving by the size of the families surrounding me. So when the first few months flew by and all of the tests were negative, I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I had been told by my previous gynecologists that they were pretty sure I had endometriosis. I didn’t think much of it and never really followed up on it. When we moved to Texas I decided to get myself checked. I did blood work, had multiple ultrasounds and finally a hysterosalpingogram aka the HSG. The HSG finally gave me some answers. I had a permanently blocked tube due to “scar tissue”. My OGBYN could no longer help me at this point, so I was referred to a fertility clinic. In January of 2021 I had my first appointment at Caperton Fertility here in El Paso. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and I didn’t know what my options were at this point. They scheduled me a hysteroscopy and I got some more answers. The hysteroscopy showed large amounts of scar tissue within my uterus as well as some adhesions that confirmed the presence of endometriosis. Just like my previous doctors had said. So at this point I now knew that I had a blocked tube and scar tissue in my uterus that was clearly keeping me from conceiving on my own.
I was presented with the option of IVF and it seemed like the best decision based on the statistics and success rates. I came home with a packet of information and sat down with Freddie who was on board with the idea right away. It all happened so fast and next thing I knew I was given a calendar with a plan for our first IVF cycle.
Before I go into the process of what I had to do, I should probably give a little bit of information on what an IVF cycle involves. Basically, the woman (me) injects herself with hormones in order to have mature eggs retrieved for fertilization and the man provides a sperm sample. They inject the sperm into the eggs and hope that they make it to the blastocyst stage so they can transfer the embryo into the woman’s body. I had no idea that this science even existed when starting all of this and its been amazing being able to educate other people on the subject.
If I could go back in time I would tell myself to go into this process with no expectations. I would see other women in my IVF Facebook groups sharing how many eggs they retrieved and how many embryos they ended up with every day. The first thing you do when seeing these numbers is compare yours to them. It sometimes made me feel disappointed, but then I would see others who weren’t as lucky and remind myself to be grateful for this opportunity.
The first step was going back on birth control. I was terrified of being back on the pill after being off of it for so many years. A few weeks into being back on birth control I began my Lupron injections to help with my endometriosis. Then began “stims.” Stims consisted of a variety of daily hormone injections preparing me for my egg retrieval. Some days I was giving myself four separate injections into my stomach. I had an ultrasound almost everyday to check the number and size of the follicles in my ovaries to see if they were ready to be retrieved. After about 10 days of stims, Freddie and I went up to New Mexico where I had my retrieval. At my last ultrasound I had 30 follicles and they were able to retrieve 16 eggs. Retrieval was rough and it took me about 5 days to recover. We had our 24 hour phone update and were told that 11 of our eggs were fertilized. We continued to get updates every other day and it was discouraging watching our numbers fall. By the time we reached day 5 we were down to 7 embryos but we were still hopeful. We sent all 7 out for genetic testing to make sure they were genetically normal. After genetic testing we were down to just 2 embryos. At first we were devastated, but still reminded ourselves that it could have been zero.
After retrieval, time seemed to go by so slowly. I was back on birth control and waiting for our embryo transfer calendar. I was told that I would need to do more Lupron injections for 3 months and then a final surgery to prep my uterus for transfer. So here I am. Its August, I just finished my injections and surgery, and I’m officially prepping for my embryo transfer that is in 22 days. Twenty two freaking days. All I have left are a few ultrasounds, estrogen patches and progesterone shots before I can finally transfer my first embryo. And even though I’m playing it off like its no big deal, I know these next few weeks are going to be filled with anxiety and some serious pain due to these injections that I am dreading.
Its crazy to think that this many months has gone by and I’m still not pregnant. I sometimes find myself thinking about how unfair this has all been. I have put my body through so much this past year and I have nothing to show for it. At least not yet. But I am so proud of myself for getting through all of this. I would be lying if I said that the procedures and injections weren’t a nightmare. Freddie has watched me cry way too many times to count. The sad part about all of this is that its still not guaranteed. I have put my body through all of this and I’m not even promised a child. I go back and forth with my thoughts on this. But as of now I am staying positive. No matter how frustrating this entire process has been, I still feel grateful for the opportunity. I am so incredibly nervous for this transfer but I’m also so so excited. The day I have been waiting for and preparing for since March is finally almost here. And no matter the outcome, I will still believe in this amazing science and continue fighting for my dream of having a child.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I am not a writer by any means but it feels amazing being able to share this experience with you.
XOXO, Lacey
Lacey Kratz 
Leave a comment